Premarital counseling is always a good idea whether you think you need it or not since it’s an easy way to see if you and your partner are on the same page about a variety of different topics. That’s why some officiants and religious venues won’t even allow you to tie the knot without at least a handful of these sessions first. Sitting down and digging into the tough topics might sound a little scary, but discussing common points of contention will only make your marriage stronger in the long run. And when you’re running around trying to book venues and find a caterer, having a regular session to slow down and talk about the important issues you might have skimmed over while dating is crucial for your future.
Whether mandated or not, there are tons of reasons why you should think about scheduling a few sessions with a therapist, your officiant, or religious leader in the months before your wedding. To help you get the ball rolling, we’re outlining seven topics that you and your partner should discuss. See where you both stand on everything from how many kids you want or don’t want-to your careers.
Environment
Getting married means settling down, but do you both have the same idea of what that means? Couples may not have lived together before, so this area can cover plenty of ground for psychologists. You can discuss whether you want to live in the city or the suburbs, have a house or an apartment and whether you ever want to change states or continents. But that’s just the big picture, and it’s always good to look at the day-to-day, too. On a smaller scale, you can discuss domestic responsibilities and expectations regarding chores, especially if you’re both working. Will you get help or split chores? What do you have in mind when you picture your lifestyle and amenities together? Can you create a shared vision of daily life?
Children
You may want to wait a few years before starting your family, but it’s crucial to make sure your partner agrees. Children are a big responsibility and it should never be assumed that both partners want them. It can be very stressful to later discover that one person wants kids and the other isn’t sure. That needs to be discussed, as well as the number of kids, discipline styles, expectations about the amount of parental involvement, and how you expect to raise your kids-especially when it comes to activities, school, and values.
Money
Since you’re getting married, you’ll need to have your finances in order. And that means no secrets about your spending habits. It’s important to discuss salaries, debt, whether you’re each a spender or saver, and how you’ll handle finances. Will you pay off each other’s loans together? Join your funds? Will you have both separate and joint accounts? Will one person handle the money or will they handle it together? They’re all important questions to ask.
Career
Doing the whole 9-to-5 thing might just be second nature for you and your partner right now, but it’s a good idea to think about how your careers might impact your marriage down the line. Your careers can affect many life areas. If only one person is the breadwinner or is working, then this needs to be discussed to ensure no power dynamic is in play. For example, will the other person ask for money? And if they stay home, will they feel as valued in the marriage for their contribution? And if both people work, will both careers take equal precedence with time off, promotions, and travel? You need to work everything out so you both feel supported.”
Extended Family and Supports
When you marry your partner, you marry their family-so make sure you’re both in the same place about just how much your families are going to be involved in your marriage. As a married couple, you both become the architects of your family. This means your respective parents can advise about parenting, holidays, religion, and education, but you’ll ultimately decide together. This will help avoid many arguments.
Religion
If you follow different religions or different views on religion-finding a balance can be tricky. Just make sure you discuss your plans ahead of time so no one feels hurt or disappointed down the line.
Communication
Communicating sounds easy enough, but when times get tense, it’s nice to have a method to talk through things instead of fighting them out. “You can discuss how you’ll handle disagreements and compromising.
Kazmo Brain Center is a counseling center in Frisco, Texas specializing in mental health and will work with you toward a happier and more satisfying position. If you need help, Request an appointment at the Kazmo Brain Center and we are here to help.
