Why do some people seem so detached from their relationships, whereas others are so clingy and require constant validation? In attachment theory, this is due to the different attachment styles of different people. Discover how attachment styles start and how to develop a secure attachment style.
What exactly is attachment?
A unique kind of emotional connection known as attachment includes sharing comfort, caring, and pleasure.
The 1950s saw the development of attachment research, which has its roots in Freud’s conceptions of love.
According to psychologist Mary Ainsworth and psychiatrist John Bowlby, our early relationships with carers impact how our attachment style develops.
As infants and children, our attachment style is influenced by what we experience with our caregivers.
The attachment styles:
1- Secure attachment characteristics
Bowlby defined stable attachment as the ability to establish trusting connections with people while yet being able to take independent action when necessary.
Trust, an adaptive reaction to abandonment, and the conviction that one is deserving of love are the characteristics of secure attachment.
A newborn with a strong bond seeks and maintains closeness during the reunion episode. Regardless of whether or not the babies are friendly with a stranger, they always seem to prefer their mothers.
In the same scenario, the baby also tended to feel sad when separated from the mother, but the baby hardly ever cried.
Babies with strong attachments to their mothers had less anxiety and more favorable opinions regarding the connection. Probably it’s because they trust their moms to attend to their needs.
2- Anxious attachment
A strong dread of abandonment characterizes an insecure attachment style known as an anxious one.
People who are anxiously attached frequently worry that their partner will leave them, making them very uneasy about their relationships and always seeking approval.
Concerned attachment is characterized by “neediness” or clingy behavior. For example, becoming extremely anxious when your partner does not respond to a text message immediately.
According to studies, the anxious attachment type affects roughly 19% of individuals.
3- Avoidant attachment characteristics
Children with avoidant attachment styles avoid interactions with the caregiver and don’t cry when they are separated.
The child may absorb the idea that they cannot rely on this or any other relationship because the parent has repeatedly rejected attempts to be intimate.
A newborn with little to no tendency to seek proximity with the mother may have an avoidant attachment.
Adults with a positive self-image and a negative view of others show a dismissive-avoidant attachment style.
To keep their sense of independence and inner strength, they seek to stay away from direct contact and closeness with others.
Adults who are rude and untrusting minimize the need for connection and deny experiencing stressful relationships because they lose trust in others.
4- Disorganized attachment
The mix of Anxious and avoidant attachment patterns creates a disorganized attachment style. People who have disorganized attachment both badly want and actively seek out affection. They are hesitant to enter into a committed relationship, yet they also want others to love them.
Disorganized attachment is very uncommon and little studied. We are aware, however, that it poses significant psycho-social risks, such as increased sexual behavior, a higher risk of domestic violence, and general issues with emotion control.
Attachment Throughout Life
In humans, attachment is active throughout the lifetime and does not end in infancy or even childhood. People find comfort in physical and mental representations of significant ones (Bowlby, 1969).
Childhood attachment patterns usually carry through the life cycle into teenage years and adulthood.
Although the idea of security still matters, the idea of autonomy is becoming more prevalent.
Due to their ability to handle discomfort, adult attachment systems are less likely to be active than children.
As we mature, new attachment relationships develop in our lives, which may be of critical importance when we are living through difficult times or striving for a goal.
