Teaching your kids to set up boundaries is very important; helps them with developing self-respect, self-awareness, emotional regulation, communication, and also respect for other’s boundaries.
Boundary violations can be traumatic to children, and many parents are guilty of violating them without realizing. Boundary violations feel uncomfortable regardless of our age. And it makes us angry, confused, defensive, and resentful.
Here are Some Examples of How Boundary Violation Occurs:
1- A very common one requires children to hug and be physically affectionate with people as a way to be polite: “Give your Auntie a hug” or “Kiss Mommy!”
2- Not allowing our children to have negative emotions: “You have no reason to be angry about that”, “Stop crying and cheer up, this is ridiculous!”, “get over it, this is nothing”, “calm down, you’re overreacting for no good reason”.
All these phrases lead to building individual who works to suppress emotions to obtain love, thus a defect in their emotional relationships like marriage.
3- Making adult emotions the responsibility of our children: “Mommy is so sad. If you want to make Mommy happy, you’ll put your shoes on”, “You hurt my feelings because you didn’t listen to me”, “you ruined mommy’s day,” “My kid knows where my glasses are!”
4- Discussing and making negative comments on the private lives of adults in great detail with young and emotionally immature children: “I hate my boss! He’s an ass and he treats me like dirt”, “your father is an idiot”, “mommy is being crazy today”, “if I didn’t have you, I’d divorce your father,” “she and her husband can go to hell.”
5- Parents speaking unfavorably about themselves in front of the kids: “Oh I’m so fat and hideous” or “I’m such an idiot!”
6- This one is what I see most in my practice; requiring older children to do things that they don’t want to do (like play a sport or an instrument that they don’t enjoy) and then calling them “weak” or “quitters” if they don’t follow through or are not good at it.
7- Talking negatively about the other parent, or others the kid knows and loves. “Your dad never save his word.” “Your mom is insane; don’t focus on what she says, she is mad.”
8- Physically slapping, attacking, or punishing a youngster.
9- Chronic and persistent anxiety about the safety of the world, the safety of the country, and even the safety of the state and region, also anxiety about your child is one of the smallest things, in short, anxiety for everything. And here your child will begin to wonder, “Why would mom worry so much if you are a normal child?”
10- Hover over your son’s life like a helicopter: This is the point that controls your son’s life under the guise of “protecting him”, and intervenes to spare him responsibility.
11- Last but not least, publicly shaming children by chastising them for their behavior in front of others.
How to Respect the Boundaries of Your Children
Let your kid decides who to hug or kiss
‘’Uncle Beer’’ may feel like he knows your kid because he just sees his photo on social media, but for your kid’s uncle Beer is just a stranger!!
Ask your child if he wants to sit in Santa Lab
With Christmas approaching and although we all love Santa Claus, for some children, this is just a huge man with a white chin and red clothes, so let your child observe Santa Claus for a little while and then ask him if he is ready to sit on his lap.
Respect kids’ feelings
Try to validate your children’s feelings by expressing them in words. You can say, “I understand it’s very annoying to have a cake slice in a circular shape instead of a triangle. Can you eat it like this today and tomorrow I’ll make you a triangle cake?”
Allow your child to take their time before getting into any social situation
When you arrive at a party with your child, don’t force him to greet everyone, just take him to a quiet corner, talk to him about the party decorations and the food provided, let him feel comfortable, and then he will join the party.
Respect your child’s privacy
If your child is aware and responsible, there is no need to enter your child’s room without knocking on the door, and do not try to search his phone or his notes, all this will make your child more secretive, let him trust you and he will tell you everything you want.
Kazmo Brain Center is a counseling center in Texas specializing in mental health and will work with you toward a happier and more satisfying life. If you or your family are facing problems and you think that you need aid in fixing them, then Play Therapy or Family Therapy at Kazmo Brain Center can help.
