Perfectionism

Why Perfectionism Could be Killing you?

A new analysis says that perfectionists are more likely to struggle with depression or anxiety, and sadly they’re more likely to commit suicide. And there are also other negative health effects of perfectionism.

Perfectionism is a personality trait that can help people get things done, meet deadlines, and perform to the best of their ability in work, school, and various personal objectives and goals. However, if perfectionism goes too far it can create a lot of emotional stress and eventually take a toll on the affected person, ultimately hindering performance rather than enhancing it. If you are a perfectionist or if you have perfectionist tendencies in certain areas of your life, read on below for the top 3 negative consequences of perfectionism that you should look out for.

Top 3 Negative Consequences of Perfectionism

Perfectionism can Affect Self-esteem

Perfectionists may appear as if they have high self-esteem due to their high energy, their commitment to their work, and their refusal to settle for anything less than the best. Oftentimes, perfectionists look, speak, and act rather perfectly, appearing like they ‘have it all together,’ all the time. The reality is that deep down, many perfectionists can have low self-esteem. They place a tremendous amount of pressure on themselves to perform flawlessly and avoid mistakes or failures at all costs. The slightest mishap can send some perfectionists into a state of anxiety and/or depression because their sense of self is entirely related to their ability to perform. If their performance is not to their standards, they feel that this is a reflection of their worth as an individual.

Perfectionism can Lead to Burnout

It takes a lot of work to keep up with the demands of perfectionism, which is the main reason why perfectionists often experience severe and chronic stress, which leads to burnout. The reason for burnout is due to the fact that perfectionists tend to not take breaks or vacations and will not stop working until they feel they have reached the perfection they seek. This ‘moment’ of achieving perfection sometimes never comes, leaving the perfectionist stressed and frustrated. Eventually, the physical body gives out due to exhaustion or lack of rest and/or the person becomes emotionally drained, resulting in burnout.

Perfectionism can Affect Relationships

The primary concern of a perfectionist is their own behaviors and the demands they place on themselves; however, in some cases, perfectionists may try to control or regulate the behaviors of those around them who may have a role in the perfectionist’s duties or responsibilities. For example, a perfectionist in a work setting may make demands of co-workers who are contributing to a group project or a perfectionist parent may demand that his/her children follow certain rules or guidelines that align with perfectionism. This can create a situation where the perfectionists’ interactions with others can become toxic, as arguments and conflict are likely to occur if the other party/parties refuse to abide by the perfectionist’s requirements.

How can you Help a Perfectionist in Your Life?

Here are some ideas:

Don’t say, “it doesn’t have to be perfect”

That is the worst thing you can say to a perfectionist. Instead, highlight their strengths and what you like about them For example, your perfectionist brother has a meltdown over a work screw-up. Focus on how you’re proud of his no matter what, rather than telling him to stop expecting perfection.

Get rid of the word “should”

Perfectionists are obsessed with this word: “I should be the best!” Instead, help your friend or loved one ask why should? For example, help her focus on what she wants from the party she’s planning (to have fun) versus what she wants to avoid (every one to think she has horrible taste).

Reminder: It’s not a failure, it’s data

For perfectionists more prone to the “nothing” side of the spectrum, you can help them overcome their fear of failure by helping them pinpoint problems. They might say, “I tried going to the gym, but I never had time so I just can’t work out.” Alright, so if you know that’s not working, what can you learn from that? Maybe you can go for a walk at lunch and after dinner? In other words, always throw out ideas.

If you feel you may have traits of perfectionism that cause you daily distress, know that perfectionistic behavior and habits can be changed. It is possible to learn healthier attitudes about your goals and standards with the help of a trusted, compassionate therapist at Kazmo Brain Center.

And Reminder ‘’No one’s perfect, after all’’

Examples of Perfectionistic Behavior

Most people want to achieve success, but working hard to reach your goals does not always indicate perfectionistic behavior. People who are perfectionists typically believe that nothing they do is worthwhile unless it is perfect. Instead of being proud of their progress, learning, or hard work, they might constantly compare their work to the work of others or fixate on achieving flawless output.

Even when people with perfectionistic traits get their desired results, they may still be unsatisfied. They may feel that if they truly were perfect, they would not have had to work so hard to achieve their goals.

Some examples of perfectionism include:

• Spending 30 minutes writing and rewriting a two-sentence email.
• Believing that missing two points on a test is a sign of failure.
• Difficulty being happy for others who are successful.
• Holding oneself to the standards of others’ accomplishments or comparing oneself unfavorably and unrealistically to others.
• Skipping class or avoiding a chore because it is pointless to make an effort unless perfection can be achieved.
• Focusing on the end product rather than the process of learning.
• Avoiding playing a game or trying a new activity with friends for fear of being shown up as less than perfect.

Types of Perfectionism

A few distinct types of perfectionism are thought to exist. While these types share similar behaviors, their motives and outcomes often differ.

Personal standards perfectionism: Someone who practices this type of perfectionism may adhere to a set of standards that motivate them. Others might still consider these standards to be high, but they are motivating to the person who sets them. This type of perfectionism is thought to be healthy, as it does not lead to excessive stress or burnout. People with personal standards perfectionism may be less likely to use harmful habits to cope with stress brought on by perfectionism. A person only has this type of perfectionism if their goals make them feel energized and not overwhelmed or paralyzed. 

Self-critical perfectionism: This type of perfectionist is more prone to becoming intimidated by the goals they set for themselves rather than feeling motivated. They may more often feel hopeless or that their goals will never become reality. Research suggests that self-critical perfectionism is more likely to lead to negative emotions, such as distress, avoidance, anxiety, and self-condemnation. 

Socially prescribed perfectionism: Outlined in a 2014 York University study, this type of perfectionism describes the demand for excellence often placed on people with jobs that require extreme precision, such as lawyers, medical professionals, and architects. Individuals in these professions experienced more hopeless thoughts, stress, and a higher risk for self-harm and suicide. 

Socially prescribed perfectionism also applies to people who are held to high cultural or societal standards and who strive to meet these unrealistic goals. For example, students may be held to high academic standards by their parents. Teens and adults who feel pressure to obtain the type of body purported to be “ideal” by society may develop traits of socially prescribed perfectionism as a result.

Domains of Perfectionism

Perfectionism can impact many areas of a person’s life, and these areas are often referred to as domains. Sometimes, perfectionism affects only one domain, while other times, it impacts multiple domains. Below are some areas of life perfectionism can affect. 

• In the workplace or at school: People who are perfectionists in school or at work may take longer than others to complete a task. They may also avoid starting a task they do not feel confident in. This is often due to a desire to complete the task perfectly.
• Intimate relationships or friendships: Perfectionism can cause people to place their unrealistic standards on their loved ones, bringing extra stress and pressure into the relationship. 
• Physical activity: Sports and athletics often encourage or exacerbate perfectionism. In individual sports, such as gymnastics or track, perfectionism may be especially prevalent, since the athlete is often competing against oneself.
• Environment or surroundings: This may include the need for one’s house or yard to be immaculate at all times. It can cause an individual to spend large amounts of time and energy keeping their immediate surroundings tidy or in line with their aesthetic standards.
• Hygiene and health: Ironically, this type of perfectionism may cause health issues. For instance, someone may stop brushing their teeth because they failed to do so once. This type of perfectionism may also lead to eating disorders like orthorexia nervosa, in which individuals feel compelled to stick to a rigidly healthy diet.
• How one speaks or writes: When a person is perfectionistic about how they speak or write, the quality of their speech or writing may decrease. It may cause them to speak very little or to avoid writing for fear of making a mistake.
• Physical appearance: This type of perfectionism can cause someone to worry excessively about their personal grooming or style. They may take hours choosing what to wear or how to style their hair. Perfectionism surrounding physical appearance can also lead to eating disorders or exercise addiction.

What Causes Perfectionism?

Many factors can contribute to whether perfectionism develops. A few include:

• Frequent fear of disapproval from others or feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.
• Mental health issues like anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). While a correlation between OCD and perfectionism has been found to exist, not all people with perfectionism have OCD, and not all people with OCD are perfectionists.
• Having a parent who exhibits perfectionistic behavior or expresses disapproval when their children’s efforts do not result in perfection. Some parents may encourage their child to succeed in every area or push perfection on them to an extent that can be considered abusive.
• An insecure early attachment. People who had a troubled attachment with parents when they were young may experience difficulty self-soothing as adults. They may have trouble accepting a good outcome as good if it’s not perfect.

Kazmo Brain Center is a counseling center in Frisco, Texas specializing in mental health counseling and will work with you toward a happier and more satisfying position. If you or your loved ones are facing Social Anxiety Disorder and you need help, Request an appointment at Kazmo Brain Center and we are here to help.

Recourse: www.health.com